IELTS writing SAMPLE

TASK 1 – The Graphs Below Show The Enrolments Of Overseas Students And Local Students In Australian Universities Over A Ten Year Period

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TASK 1 – The Graphs Below Show The Enrolments Of Overseas Students And Local Students In Australian Universities Over A Ten Year Period
Samples Of Letters Addressed To The Principal – Tips & Format
The graph below show the enrolment of overseas students

You barely wrote over the minimum word count. And also you had repetition of ideas, so you may lose points on task achievement.

The organization of paragraphs is not good.

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The two graphs (What kind of graphs are they?) illustrate (poor word choice) the number of students (wrong – the two graphs show two different things. What are they?) who enrolled in Australian universities from 2001 until 2010. (You have to finish this paragraph describing the infographic. You begin a new idea – the main features, in the next paragraph. Each paragraph in an essay has ONE idea.) Overall, the total number of local students was much higher than the overseas students. However, new overseas students who applied increased significantly while new local students fluctuated in ten periods.

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The second paragraph tells the examiner the “main features” that you have seen. In this way, you follow the instructions.

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Overall, the total number of local students was much higher than the overseas students. (You have not mentioned local or overseas students before. The reader is confused!) However, new overseas students who applied increased significantly while new local students fluctuated (There are no fluctuations in any of the curves on these two graphs. Read my vocabulary advice. There is only a variation within a narrow range.) in ten periods. (Wrong word. There is only one period. That is 2001-2010. The reader is very confused. You never told them about new or old students.)

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The first graph shows that there were 200000 (You must copy the numbers accurately. In no year were there two hundred thousand new international students.) overseas students who entered Australian universities which gradually increased around 400% 9 years later. While local students only increased around 66%. (Fragment, not a sentence, wrong percentage. The difference between 600 and 400 thousand is 200 thousand. Two hundred thousand is half, or 50% of 400 thousand. The increase was 50%, not 66%.) In 2007, the population (wrong word) total number of local students remained constant stable at 600000 students.

About 200000 new local students are enrolled in Australian universities and new overseas students are only around 5% of the total of new (Do you mean new students or the total number? There are two different values.) local students in 2010. But, the number of new overseas students quadrupled in 2010. (That is incorrect. The number did not change at all from 2009 to 2010.. It did quadruple over the ten-year period from 2001 to 2010.) up On the other hand, the number of local students who come to the university has fluctuated (wrong word) around 200000 with an increased peak (wrong phrase.) of approximately 220000 new local students.

Sample essay:Paragraph #1 tells the reader what the information content is for the infographic. It gives the reader all aspects of the plots, including the time frame.The two line graphs compare the numbers of local students versus international students in Australian universities between 2001 and 2010. The first graph plots the overseas students – those just starting their studies and the total student count, while the second graph has the same information for local students.Paragraph #2 describes two or three of the most important features in the information content.Overall, there were many more local students by both measures than international students throughout this period. However the numbers of overseas students increased substantially. In contrast, the total number of local students went up in the first six years and then stabilized.Paragraph #3 focuses on comparing some details. This is too long, a total over over 230 words, but will give you some ideas. In detail, at the beginning of the period, in the total student body, there were 400 thousand local students and 20 thousand foreign students, a ratio of 20:1. Admissions also were biased toward of Australian citizens; of 180 thousand local student admissions, there were only 10 thousand overseas students, a ratio of 18:1. However the situation changed quite a bit over the period as international admissions increased to 40 thousand, and the number of local students entering university barely changed. In 2010, the ratio was 5:1 (200 thousand versus 40 thousand.) The totals reflected this increase in international admissions. By 2010, more than 80 thousand international students were enrolled, compared to 600 thousand local students. Thus, over the entire span, the total number of overseas students had quadrupled, but that of the local students had gone up by 50%.

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