IELTS writing SAMPLE

Band 9 sample essay about replacing sport with academic sessions

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Band 9 sample essay about replacing sport with academic sessions
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Ielts essay on education band 9

Home » IELTS BAND 9 ESSAYS » Band 9 sample essay about replacing sport with academic sessions

Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view?

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The debate between where to allocate valuable teaching resources probably started with the first educational institutions. In present-day society the conflict continues and rightly so. In my opinion converting sports classes to more traditional subjects has two significant advantages. Firstly, it is a more effective use of a student’s time. Secondly, in the future, academic skills are more useful.

Switching time spent on sport in a school to time spent on more academic activities is a wise and cost-effective solution. Firstly, academic studies are inherently less expensive to perform when compared to physical education.

For example, to play almost any sport one has to invest in the appropriate equipment, ranging from shorts, t-shirts to rackets and balls. Furthermore, excess time is spent in the changing rooms or washing afterwards. In more traditional subjects, students merely enter the classroom and are learning within minutes.

Secondly, sport can be argued as an activity practised naturally by children, especially boys. In every school at break time many children engage in energetic activities, whereas hardly any are studying algebra, biology or physics. Because these subjects are less popular more resources should be allocated to teaching them.

In addition, academic skills could be argued as more important due to the small number of people in society currently using sport skills in a work environment. Thus, focussing on skills demanded by the labour market would benefit students’ lives dramatically in the future.

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To conclude, young learners going through school would finish much better prepared for life avoiding sport tuition. Furthermore, they would have taken full advantage of their school years through more time spent learning.

Why is this essay a band 9?

Let’s take a look at this sample answer to IELTS writing task 2 to understand why it received a band score of 9.

Task achievement

  • To what extent does the examinee address all parts of the task with a fully developed position, inclusive of fully extended and well supported ideas?

The prompt for this writing task 2 essay asks: “How will this change affect students’ lives in your view?” It wants an opinion – and it wants you to include any relevant examples!

This essay addresses all parts of this task. The opinion is included in the introduction to make the writer’s position clear, and then the following paragraphs support the writer’s position with two main points, each with a example and a justification.

Coherence and cohesion

  • Does the candidate logically organise the information and ideas? Is the entire essay cohesive?

Organising Information and Ideas

firstly / secondly / furthermore / for example / whereas / because / in addition / thus / to conclude

Cohesion

  • good introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion that are easy to follow and connected with one another
  • body paragraphs have topic sentences and smooth transitions to the next paragraph

Lexical resource

  • To what extent does the examinee use a wide range of vocabulary with accuracy? Do they demonstrate sophistication regarding the use of lexical items?

Examples of Collocations

valuable teaching resources / educational institutions / traditional subjects / significant advantages / academic skills / appropriate equipment

Examples Wide-Ranging Vocabulary

allocate / converting / cost-effective / inherently / ranging / excess / merely / engage / dramatically

Examples Phrasal Verbs

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spent on / going through

Grammatical range & accuracy

  • Does the examinee use a range of grammatical structures accurately?

Examples of Comparatives

a more effective use / more useful / inherently less expensive / when compared to physical education / less popular / more important / much better prepared

Examples of Complex Sentences

Because these subjects are less popular, more resources should be allocated to teaching them.

In every school at break time many children engage in energetic activities, whereas hardly any are studying algebra, biology or physics.

Examples of Passive Voice

should be allocated / could be argued / is spent / can be argued

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